Letter 44. Last week in England.
24th September 2005
Dear friends,
I have left Oxford, with a different feeling than I thought I would. Before arriving I was quite sure All Saints Sisters of the Poor (ASSP) would be “my” community. It was not, and it made me have a small crisis, which was big enough for me. Though I didn’t expect to be certain about my vocation these few weeks, I thought ASSP would be a community to visit again. Anyway, I try to see it valuable, to know where I am not called, and having had the experiences I had this week.
As I have told, I see myself as a Sister more easily than a nun, and I had selected three active communities to visit on this tour. They were quite different, but I should have even more different impulses. The first step of exploration should include contemplative as well, I was told, and two Novice Guardians recommended visiting Sisters of the Love of God (SLG) while I was in Oxford. I had read a book about a contemplative community, and so I thought I knew what to expect. This book was written 50 years ago, and though some of the nuns could look like medieval figures and their six-fold office still is chanted in Gregorian tunes, there have been quite a few changes the last years. SLG is an Anglican community, and so they were not expected to change their rule after the Second Vatican Council 1963-65, which resulted in many changes in Roman-Catholic communities. I think many of my (and your?) ideas about the monastic life are from before Vatican II.
I had read about the strict enclosure, that the only reason for a nun to leave the convent was the need for an operation. Now they have any medical appointment outside, they go to the post office if needed and participate in conferences. They even have to spend three weeks holiday away. This started when fuel was very expensive and they could not always expect family to visit them, as travelling was expensive. They also had a construction work going on, and the convent was everything but a place of silence. They found it useful to reflect on their life from a different environment, and so they have continued spending some time outside. The enclosure is also less strict when it comes to people visiting. Earlier they would hide when a bell told that a stranger was in, not to be seen by anybody. Now people from outside are employed in the convent, and so are a daily sight. Earlier they could only talk with visitors, that means family, through a grill in a parlour. Now the grill is gone, also in the church. Visitors sit in the southern nave of the church, not seeing the nuns, but they are discussing how they can mix more with the visitors during services. They actually changed a bit the day I was there too. Enclosure is still important to give the nuns the stability and peace needed for a life of contemplative prayer. They don’t allow any visitor everywhere. But as they wanted to give me the most detailed experience about the contemplative life, they let me both eat with them in the refectory and work with them in the laundry and kitchen, and I was only there for a day!
Contemplative communities practice silence not only at night (ca 20.00-09.00) when most active communities do, but the whole day. The exception is recreation, a time for talking, for which they save all the funny stories they think of through the day. They were not so strict while I was there, to let me have the chance to get information about many things. I had quite interesting talks. I talked with a nun in simple vows, who had just found out that she was not called to live out her vocation with SLG. It was quite hard for her, as she knew she was called to pray, and she had developed close relationships through her years with SLG. But now she understood she had to leave and not take life vows as planned this autumn. She told that only three from her novitiate of ten were still there. I believe you really must be called to stay, as so many leave. Chanting six offices a day is quite hard work, in addition to the household work they do. She couldn’t understand how active Sisters got the energy to do their work – and they don’t understand the contemplatives, again it is about vocation. The most difficult work she could think of was that of a mother, bringing up a child, she said she was certainly not called to that.
Then what about me? Another crisis came when I felt I could not pray. I mean, if praying is what you are supposed to do in life, you should know how to do it. Suddenly the meditative prayer seemed impossible for me, and I wondered why at all I considered a religious vocation. I felt I did not manage to pray as I wanted when I was there. A nun commented that she didn’t find prayer easy either, though this was what she was doing. It was even worse not managing to pray properly being in a convent having the time set for it than for me. It was a sort of comfort, knowing that others have the same problems. But I am still confused. May be the crisis come more easily when I have written about my thoughts, because it feels serious then. It became even more serious when I quite suddenly, after a couple of days of preparation was the object for an interview to the Norwegian Christian student magazine Credo. This happens when you write about your experiences to your friends with all their contacts, of whom some find your strange journey exciting enough for an article. Thinking that informing is part of my call, I try not to avoid the information I have, to flow, though I in my periods of doubt wonder how God can use this in a constructive way. Anyway, I do believe that questions help me reflect, the interviewer had quite detailed personal questions, so I should be full of reflection now.
I ended last letter before I had the chance to tell about the daily schedule of a community. The day is scheduled around the Eucharist and the divine office, which originally consisted of the two main offices lauds and vespers and the shorter prime, terce, sext, none and compline. Some contemplatives wake up just after midnight to chant the first office. After a few more hours of sleep the day often begins at 5.30. Active Sisters normally start an hour or more later with silent prayer or an office. Most active communities have reduced the number of offices to morning, midday, evening and night prayer, the last around 20.00. Some communities expect their Sisters to say the offices privately if they are absent for any reason. In addition to the offices, active Sisters normally have ½-1 hour private prayer, and contemplative 1½-2 hours a day. There is also time for spiritual reading, and as I mentioned, silence. Some active communities, like CHN, have silent meals, others, like CSF, talk during meals. ASSP observe silence at lunch, but talk at supper. Being together in silence gives quite a different experience of fellowship and attentiveness.
Some work in silence, some talk. There is lot of household work to do, especially where they receive many guests for retreat. Cooking and cleaning, facilitating for guests and large numbers of Sisters takes time. SLG have more than 30 nuns, so the laundry looked more like that of an institution than a family. The nuns had their different work responsibilities. In smaller houses they share the different tasks. In CSF in Somerset they are eight Sisters, and though some cook more than others, they all have their days in the kitchen. Many convents have nice gardens and grow vegetables. Many contemplatives write and publish writings. Except the internal work, many active do some kind of parish work, some are ordained priests, some give speeches and run retreats, some are nurses, some are teachers, some are social workers, some work more directly with the needy on the streets. Many communities have traditionally had one main occupation, while now the gifts of the Sisters involved decide the ministries of the community. If you want to know more about Anglican religious communities, you can visit http://orders.anglican.org/arcyb/communities.html
I once had the gift of writing in short, I might have lost that… But I think I still have the gift of patient waiting in airports… Bye England - Bangladesh, here I come!
Greetings from Hanne.
PS: It took time to type the letter this time. I have already (28th September) lots of impressions I would like to share from these days in my dear Bangladesh. I will try to send some words in a few days, but I am not sure if I will get the time before my group of Norwegians arrive on Saturday, and their ten days here will be quite busy. DS
Dear friends,
I have left Oxford, with a different feeling than I thought I would. Before arriving I was quite sure All Saints Sisters of the Poor (ASSP) would be “my” community. It was not, and it made me have a small crisis, which was big enough for me. Though I didn’t expect to be certain about my vocation these few weeks, I thought ASSP would be a community to visit again. Anyway, I try to see it valuable, to know where I am not called, and having had the experiences I had this week.
As I have told, I see myself as a Sister more easily than a nun, and I had selected three active communities to visit on this tour. They were quite different, but I should have even more different impulses. The first step of exploration should include contemplative as well, I was told, and two Novice Guardians recommended visiting Sisters of the Love of God (SLG) while I was in Oxford. I had read a book about a contemplative community, and so I thought I knew what to expect. This book was written 50 years ago, and though some of the nuns could look like medieval figures and their six-fold office still is chanted in Gregorian tunes, there have been quite a few changes the last years. SLG is an Anglican community, and so they were not expected to change their rule after the Second Vatican Council 1963-65, which resulted in many changes in Roman-Catholic communities. I think many of my (and your?) ideas about the monastic life are from before Vatican II.
I had read about the strict enclosure, that the only reason for a nun to leave the convent was the need for an operation. Now they have any medical appointment outside, they go to the post office if needed and participate in conferences. They even have to spend three weeks holiday away. This started when fuel was very expensive and they could not always expect family to visit them, as travelling was expensive. They also had a construction work going on, and the convent was everything but a place of silence. They found it useful to reflect on their life from a different environment, and so they have continued spending some time outside. The enclosure is also less strict when it comes to people visiting. Earlier they would hide when a bell told that a stranger was in, not to be seen by anybody. Now people from outside are employed in the convent, and so are a daily sight. Earlier they could only talk with visitors, that means family, through a grill in a parlour. Now the grill is gone, also in the church. Visitors sit in the southern nave of the church, not seeing the nuns, but they are discussing how they can mix more with the visitors during services. They actually changed a bit the day I was there too. Enclosure is still important to give the nuns the stability and peace needed for a life of contemplative prayer. They don’t allow any visitor everywhere. But as they wanted to give me the most detailed experience about the contemplative life, they let me both eat with them in the refectory and work with them in the laundry and kitchen, and I was only there for a day!
Contemplative communities practice silence not only at night (ca 20.00-09.00) when most active communities do, but the whole day. The exception is recreation, a time for talking, for which they save all the funny stories they think of through the day. They were not so strict while I was there, to let me have the chance to get information about many things. I had quite interesting talks. I talked with a nun in simple vows, who had just found out that she was not called to live out her vocation with SLG. It was quite hard for her, as she knew she was called to pray, and she had developed close relationships through her years with SLG. But now she understood she had to leave and not take life vows as planned this autumn. She told that only three from her novitiate of ten were still there. I believe you really must be called to stay, as so many leave. Chanting six offices a day is quite hard work, in addition to the household work they do. She couldn’t understand how active Sisters got the energy to do their work – and they don’t understand the contemplatives, again it is about vocation. The most difficult work she could think of was that of a mother, bringing up a child, she said she was certainly not called to that.
Then what about me? Another crisis came when I felt I could not pray. I mean, if praying is what you are supposed to do in life, you should know how to do it. Suddenly the meditative prayer seemed impossible for me, and I wondered why at all I considered a religious vocation. I felt I did not manage to pray as I wanted when I was there. A nun commented that she didn’t find prayer easy either, though this was what she was doing. It was even worse not managing to pray properly being in a convent having the time set for it than for me. It was a sort of comfort, knowing that others have the same problems. But I am still confused. May be the crisis come more easily when I have written about my thoughts, because it feels serious then. It became even more serious when I quite suddenly, after a couple of days of preparation was the object for an interview to the Norwegian Christian student magazine Credo. This happens when you write about your experiences to your friends with all their contacts, of whom some find your strange journey exciting enough for an article. Thinking that informing is part of my call, I try not to avoid the information I have, to flow, though I in my periods of doubt wonder how God can use this in a constructive way. Anyway, I do believe that questions help me reflect, the interviewer had quite detailed personal questions, so I should be full of reflection now.
I ended last letter before I had the chance to tell about the daily schedule of a community. The day is scheduled around the Eucharist and the divine office, which originally consisted of the two main offices lauds and vespers and the shorter prime, terce, sext, none and compline. Some contemplatives wake up just after midnight to chant the first office. After a few more hours of sleep the day often begins at 5.30. Active Sisters normally start an hour or more later with silent prayer or an office. Most active communities have reduced the number of offices to morning, midday, evening and night prayer, the last around 20.00. Some communities expect their Sisters to say the offices privately if they are absent for any reason. In addition to the offices, active Sisters normally have ½-1 hour private prayer, and contemplative 1½-2 hours a day. There is also time for spiritual reading, and as I mentioned, silence. Some active communities, like CHN, have silent meals, others, like CSF, talk during meals. ASSP observe silence at lunch, but talk at supper. Being together in silence gives quite a different experience of fellowship and attentiveness.
Some work in silence, some talk. There is lot of household work to do, especially where they receive many guests for retreat. Cooking and cleaning, facilitating for guests and large numbers of Sisters takes time. SLG have more than 30 nuns, so the laundry looked more like that of an institution than a family. The nuns had their different work responsibilities. In smaller houses they share the different tasks. In CSF in Somerset they are eight Sisters, and though some cook more than others, they all have their days in the kitchen. Many convents have nice gardens and grow vegetables. Many contemplatives write and publish writings. Except the internal work, many active do some kind of parish work, some are ordained priests, some give speeches and run retreats, some are nurses, some are teachers, some are social workers, some work more directly with the needy on the streets. Many communities have traditionally had one main occupation, while now the gifts of the Sisters involved decide the ministries of the community. If you want to know more about Anglican religious communities, you can visit http://orders.anglican.org/arcyb/communities.html
I once had the gift of writing in short, I might have lost that… But I think I still have the gift of patient waiting in airports… Bye England - Bangladesh, here I come!
Greetings from Hanne.
PS: It took time to type the letter this time. I have already (28th September) lots of impressions I would like to share from these days in my dear Bangladesh. I will try to send some words in a few days, but I am not sure if I will get the time before my group of Norwegians arrive on Saturday, and their ten days here will be quite busy. DS
posted by Hanne at 2:19 AM
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